Why not take a break and relax with these jokes?

The European commission has just announced an agreement whereby English would be the official language of the EU rather than German which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her majesty's government has conceded that the English spelling has some room for improvement and has accepted a five year phase in plan that would be known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion and the keyboard kan have one less letter. There would be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter. In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be aksepted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which has always been a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e"s in the language is disgrasful, and they should go away. By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer. drem vil finali kum tru! in ze world.

There was a flight from Milan (Italy) to Sydney (Australia). Its a long journey and such a boring one. In the 300 boeing passenger plane was an established and experienced lawyer who was sitting close to a blonde lady. Both have been silent for some hours and he wanted to make that little environment between him and her lively.

So he initiated some conversation and after a brief chat they both went silent again. He then suggested they cracked jokes but the lady was reluctant to do so. He opted for riddles but she claimed she wasn't good at riddles. He was still persistent and proposed so many ideas but the blonde lady wasn't just in the mood to talk. Then he came up with an idea. "Okay, this is my last proposal to you and if you do not take it, I will not bother you any longer. I will say a riddle and if you cannot answer it, you'll give me $5. You'll do the same too, but if I cannot answer yours, I'll give you $50". This sounded so good to her and it was a tempting incentive she cannot say no to. "Okay, I'm in" She answered with much interest.

The lawyer who felt, been a blonde she would not be able to beat him and moreover been in such a profession, he can easily outsmart her suggested he will start. Then comes his question "What is the distance between the sun and the nearest 5th star?" The blonde did not even hesitate to give him his $5 simultaneously as she said "I don't know" HE was so pleased and already enjoying the game as he collected his 'partial wage'. Now she asked "What goes up with 10 legs and comes down with 11?" It took the lawyer 10 minutes to put himself together due to the shock of such a question. He never believed such a thing existed. He searched the internet for a clue, called his friends worldwide made every available contact he could make but all to no avail. In reluctance, he gave her the $50 after spending about 45 minutes doing an unplanned research. She collected the money with the best smile no one could think she could ever show and kept quiet. In great annoyance, he asked 'So what is the answer?" She simply gave him back $5.

On the first of October, 1960, Nigeria got her Independence from the british rule and hence wanted to celebrate it in style. The first Nigerian governor General then been Dr. Nnamdi Azikiwe and the Prime Minister, sir Abubakar Tafawa Balewa solicited for the presence of the Queen, her royal highness Queen Elizabeth II (Queen of England) to be their chief guest of the Independence day celebration which graced lots of leaders from Africa, Europe and The American continent as a whole.

The Occasion kicked off as usual with more than 50 international leaders and their aids in attendance. It was a great Occasion and indeed every stake holder involved was pleased. As the usual dinner and chat was going on, Nikita Khrushchev, the communist party leader and the first secretary of the communist part of the soviet Union whispered into the right ear of Leonid Brezhnev (who was then the chairman of the presidium of the supreme soviet of the soviet Union) to come to the toilet with him. These were the two leaders representing the soviet Union in this wonderful occasion.

The main toilet room has a large space which has several wash hand basins and large mirrors pinned to the walls while also it consisted of different smaller rooms where several water closet bowls are present, the two were in the spacious room where the wash hand basins were and they ensured that no one was either in the room or in the various toilet rooms listening, then this conversation took place;

Nikita - Respected sir, did you observe the kind of spoon we are using to eat the local nigerian dishes?

Leonid - Of course I did! Its made of pure Gold. The knife and plates are all silver, but that spoon in particular is Gold and I noticed we are all using the Golden spoon to eat.

Nikita - Yes! You are really very observant. There are lots of resources in Africa. Can you imagine using Gold to make a spoon? Take that spoon after the dinner and hide it in your suit pocket. We'll take it back to the USSR and sample it. Then we'll see what we can do next. Maybe after a year, we will come back to fool these Nigerians and see what kind of deal we can make with them.

Leonid - But don't you think, other leaders sitting right here are also thinking of the same thing?

Nikita - Even if they do, should it stop us? Its not bad if we take our chance.

Leonid - Okay, immediately after the meal, I will use my handkerchief to clean it up and hide it in my pocket.

Nikita - Very good respected sir! I knew you will be wise and reason well with me.

They both left the toilet back to the dinner table to join their other colleagues. Meanwhile, Americo Thomaz, the President of Portugal was in one of the toilet rooms and when he noticed the suspicious way both soveit leaders used to enter the main toilet room, he stood up to the toilet bowl silently and carefully so that He may not be noticed nor seen from underneath the door. He left immediately for the dinner table as well. Then, during a short break, he took Antonio de Oliveira Salaza, the then prime minister and president of the council of ministers of Portugal to the balcony for a brief discussion...

Antonio de Oliveira - What is it, my president?

Americo Thomaz - Sir, did you notice the Golden spoon used here?

Antonio de Oliveira - Of course! And I was wondering how rich this country can be in the next 10 to 30 years from now, if they just had their independence and are already feasting with Golden spoons... This is really a blessing.

Americo Thomaz - Yes, but sir, we can as well tap from the blessing too. Why not steal the spoon, sample it when we get back to Portugal and see if we can get back and strike a deal with them.

Antonio de Oliveira - This is ridiculous! Are you out of your mind? Why should a respected person like me do such? I am the president of the council of ministers of Portugal, remember?

Americo Thomaz - Yes sir and I am as well the President of Portugal. So what we should be thinking of should be to the benefit of the country we represent here. Believe me! That is what every leader here is thinking of. I was in the toilet when Leonid Brezhnev and Nikita Khrushchev were planning to steal one. In fact, for us who are not taking any, they planned on taking on our behalf to see how they can make the lives of their people better. They said after a year, they will get back to Nigeria and strike a deal with them. And you know what? Nikita said most leaders here, after seeing these golden spoons would think of the same thing.

Antonio de Oliveira - Really! This easterners will never stop been too smart. Then we have to act fast as well. hmm! You have a good point. But my suit is so tight and my pockets are not really deep, if I should do that, I will get caught and that will be embarrassing to me, to you and to our people.

Americo Thomaz - Okay sir! Just leave that to me, I will handle it.

Antonio de Oliveira - Okay handle it well. You will have a national honor for this. But how are you going to do it.

Americo Thomaz - The next agenda after the break is riddles and jokes, just leave me to my game.

Antonio de Oliveira - Okay! Goodluck, but if it backfires, count me out of the whole stuff.

Now, break was over and everyone got back to the banquet hall. Dr. Nnamdi Azikiwe stood up to announce the next agenda which was riddles and jokes and encouraged every one to crack jokes, claiming they will all laugh no matter how dry the jokes are. Americo Thomaz, the President of Portugal stood up to crack his riddle.

"I have a riddle for everyone. Its a simple riddle which requires demonstration. You see, I have read a lot about African magic the deity nature and how African magic uses lots of spirits or gods to meet their needs supernaturally. The Bantu cultures for instance which has the witch smellers and the shamanistic nature of African magic in Egypt. So, to tell you how African I have already become in just this short time I have spent here in Nigeria, I will perform one African magic. Get me a golden spoon please.." One of the chocolate beauties serving as a waiter came up with one of the Golden spoons. "Okay good! WHat is this?" Holding the spoon in his hands while he asked the whole 'royalty studded' audience. "Its a golden spoon!" They all exclaimed. "Again.... What is this?" "Its a golden spoon!" This time around they exclaimed louder with all curiosity.

"I will put it in my pocket and it will disappear and re-appear in Leaonid Brezhnev's Pocket. Now somebody can check his pocket as I do so". Leonid Brezhnev The well respected Chairman of the presidium of the supreme soviet of the soviet Union did not take up to a second to begin sweating on hearing his name.